Monthly Archives: June 2013

Web fail 404 job not found

So 2 weeks ago I was offered a job with the title of (wait for it)…”web master”, which I accepted.

However they gave me the wrong start date, telling me that i’d be starting on the 1st of October, which is a Sunday.

A few days later I got a call regarding a web design job that I had applied for way back in February asking if I was available to work. I told the guy that I was actually about to start a job but that it was only 3 days per week. He said he could offer work to cover the other 2 days.
The job is based in a pretty unique location, on a farm in the countryside on the opposite end of Glasgow to me, so rather than have me travel all the way there we agree to meet at a hotel in town and so on Thursday I headed off to meet the guy for a chat.
While waiting at the train station I received a phonecall from the same woman who offered me the other job asking me if she had told me that i’d been offered the job, to which I told her that of course she had, then she told me that she was really really sorry but she had made a mistake and that I didn’t have the job afterall, I was actually the reserve candidate, I asked how this had happened and she said because our names looked alike!

So I head off to meet the other guy. When I get there I tell him about what had happened. The interview does not go well, i’m not really in the mood for it, I keep umming and erring and screwing up my replies. He asks me why my CV is so bare. I graduated 3 years ago yet have little listed on my CV since then, I tell him that I’ve just been unlucky with jobs. Because employers look for experience but no one is willing to give me experience.
The copy of my CV that he has is outdated, from before I started 6 months of work-based training. He asks me what I’ve been doing since then, I tell him briefly about the training. It was for an Autism related project, I wasn’t directly involved with the field of Autism but I was responsible for the web/IT work within the project.
He tells me that when they take on work for a client they like to know a bit about what they do, so he asks me “What exactly is autism?”
Argh, I hate questions like this…how to explain it? It’s very complicated I tell him…
i waffle and meander, my brain isn’t thinking straight, I can’t get my words out so under pressure I basically give him a crap bullshit answer just so we can move on to the next question.
“I see” he tells me, “is that what autism is? I didn’t realise”.
A few more questions go by and then the interview ends and i’m glad its over as I can’t see any job coming from this but he tells me that he hasn’t made any decisions yet and that he’ll choose who to take on in about a weeks time.

The very next day I receive an apology letter for the web master job…and they even manage to get the job title wrong!
I go into my old work (where I did the training) later that day and tell them about what had happened. They all feel sorry for me and say they’ll help write me a letter of complaint if that’l make me feel better.

One of my ex-collegues then asks me if I’ve applied for anymore jobs, I tell her about the interview from the day before and mention that the job is based on a farm of all places.

She says “Oh my god, his name wasn’t Billy Brown (name changed) was it?”
I tell her that yes that was indeed his name.
She then tells me, I know his wife. His son has Autism.
The funny thing was as soon as she mentioned his wife’s name, I recognised it too. Part of my training involved working with a large database of names…i double-checked his wife’s name in the DB and sure enough her address was the same as the web design job.

And so once again, what might have been, what could’ve been…

More overheard nonsense

2 middle-aged women at Glasgow Central train station the day of a Justin Bieber concert
Woman 1: “The train will be full of Justin Bieber fans”
Woman 2: “I know but just keep going”

In a posh restaurant in Glasgow
“What’s the singular of scampi? Scampo?”

In a pub in Perth
“The soup today is tomato and lemon soup…lemon in soup? I know, I’d never heard of it either…” (runs upstairs to kitchen)
“The chef isn’t here but I think it might be lentil after all!!

Couple looking at a menu outside a Japanese restaurant in Glasgow
woman (to her partner): “I wonder if the prawns are local?”

Child on train (to mother?): “tears (as in crying) are all the same in Glasgow. True or false?”

On bus going past brand new tram depot in Edinburgh
“That’ll be rusty by the time the trams come”

Couple in the street
“Aye she was nude but she’s not nude in the photo”

Girl on phone on train
“Aye Ryan basically raped that poor girl on Friday. He had this vodka y’know but he didn’t want to say about going back to his for a drink cos it was pure obvious so he said it was his flat mate’s vodka and that she wouldn’t mind but he couldn’t get her to leave the following morning, he had to txt me and I had to pretend that I was his gran to get him to leave”

A group of 3 people walking down a street in Leith
“I believe they were crabs yes”

On Glasgow to Edinburgh bus (on the M8 at this point)
“I don’t know this road very well…this is the road that guy chased us down…that was a long time ago…Davie had to drive away and put the brakes on and the guy eventually drove past us”

On a train at central station
Guy sits next to girl sitting opposite me and says “I don’t mean to be rude but…what’s the time?”
“2:30” she replied
“2:30 exactly? Not 2:35”
“No, it’s 2:30”
“2:30 and not 2:29?”
“yes it’s 2:30”
“Ok, thanks” and then he got up and walked into the next carriage

Strange people

Strange people #1:

A few days ago My girlfriend and I were walking through the local park when my girlfriend’s shoelace became loose so we stop and she bends down to tie her shoelace. While she’s bent over a woman out walking a dog shouts something, I don’t take it in, I hear her shout again and this time look at her, she repeats it a third time and this is when I realise that she is actually talking to us. My girlfriend is still stooped over tying her shoelaces when the woman with the dog clearly shouts:

“Dog her! She’s in the right position! Get her in that position tonight in the bed, she’s wanting dogged!

She repeated it a fourth time while walking off with the dog.
WTF?!

Strange people #2:

The day after the dog woman incident I was on the bus going home. It was really busy so I sat down next to a wee girl who was maybe about 8. As soon as I sat down she made a “Yuuueeew” noise and made a waving motion with her hand in front of her nose. Her friends, who I now noticed were sitting in the seat in front, started laughing. One of the girls in front then started talking to the friend beside her followed by raised whispers to the girl beside me about the “smell” that has suddenly materialised. The girl in front of me then turns round to me and says “Gonna move? I ask why and she replies “because you’re stinking”. Then they all start laughing.
Little shits.

Strange people #3

We took a walk into Pollok Park and at fence to the Highland Coos there was a group of kids who referred to, and genuinely seemed to believe that the cows were…camels!